As you all know, I lost my friend, John, last year on the 22nd of July. It was a hard experience for me and it took quite sometime for the initial shock of it to subside, though I still can't believe he is gone and the pain of his loss is still present, it is not as harsh as it once was. Since John's passing I have promised his family that I would visit, I didn't know how, but I said I was going to try. Lacking the necessary funds to travel I just recently told his mother that I wasn't going to be able to make it this year, they were all very disappointed... including myself.

The other day my mother happened upon a link that read "SkyBus", it's a new airline that suddenly seemed to appear out of nowhere! To promote their new airline they are selling plane tickets for $20 a piece! Suddenly Missouri was only a click away. $40 round trip "Man..." I thought "I can do this!". So a booked a flight.

I leave for Kansas City, Missouri on the 22 of next month, I'll be staying for a week and arriving back home on the 29 of May. I was so happy when I stumbled upon this, it's as if it fell from the heavens and just happened to land right in my lap! Haha! A miracle if there ever was one, I can tell ya that! I am a little sad though, they have not moved to Colorado yet, which is why I am visiting Missouri instead. You see, they buried John in Colorado, where he grew up... he had always wanted to go home, so that is where they laid him to rest. I will not get to pay my respects to him just yet, but I will get to pay my respects to his family... which is close enough to comfort me.

I am excited about this trip, not only do I get to finally meet his family... I also get to fly for the first time. I have never been in a plane before, so this should be interesting, I'm not really sure what to expect. I've never really been afraid of heights, so I think it will all go smoothly... and without one of the engines exploding or the wing being ripped off *shivers*... *slaps self in face* NO... I'll be fine .. yeah, you are more likely to be struck by lightning than crash on a plane right? Or was that the other way around Oh, God.

Ok... I need to stop thinking about that, I'm giving myself the willies.

I never understood my father, why would I? I don't even know the man. I didn't meet my father till I was seven years old, it was so weird seeing him for the first time and calling him "dad" because I was so used to calling another man father for so many years. He came into my life all of a sudden and left just as fast, I didn't see my father for two years after that and another four after that. He would walk in and out of my life, making his appearance when he thought he had to. In the eighteen years I have been alive he has only seen me once on my birthday and that was my sweet sixteen, then he popped $40 in my hand and told me to buy myself something nice.

I was showered with empty promises as a child, promises of love and togetherness that crumbled before me. As a teen his promise was that when I turned eighteen things would change, four months have passed an no results. To top off his "promise" he made plans with me on my eighteenth birthday, he wanted to go out with me and share this once in a lifetime moment seeing his daughter become a young woman. I waited for him that night until dark on that cold December 31 and he never showed, my mother kept telling me that he wasn't going to show up, but I kept a positive mind and just kept telling myself that he was running late. He called me soon after telling me that he was two hours away hanging out with some friends so he wasn't going to show up, but he wanted to wish me a happy birthday. Yeah, what a happy birthday. It reminded me of all the times when I was little, I would back an overnight bag because a promise was made to me telling me that I would be able to spend the night with my father, I man I loved very much. I would wait there by the door for hours, sometimes falling asleep on the couch or on the tile in front of the door fully dressed to go and he never showed up. I did that many times from the ages of 7 to 12 or 13. I remember my mother picking me up rousing me awake in her arms, telling me it was midnight and he wasn't coming, then I would cry as she held me. It was hard for me, but I can only imagine how hard it was for my mother to watch her little girl go through so much pain and broken heart after broken heart.

The older I got the less I believed his excuses, they were all old and worn out. I finally told my father that I thought he was a liar and I didn't believe I word he said anymore, I told him that actions speak louder than words and I would be ready to spend time with him when he was ready to put forth the effort to be there. I see my dad about once a year, twice if I'm lucky... and he only lives about 15-20 minutes away. I have seen him so little that I can actually count the number of times I have seen him and the clothes I was wearing on that day. He rarely calls me under his own free will unless he's drunk, then he calls me up to tell me he's sorry for being such a bad father and that things will change. I doubt that he even remembers these late night calls.

I have a brother, my fathers son, Philip, he turned thirteen on Christmas eve. I've only seen him twice when he was two years old, to tell you the truth I'm not even sure if he knows that he has a big sister. I bought him a present once for his third birthday, but my dad never let me give it to him. I still have it after eleven years, it's still waiting to be claimed by him if I ever get the chance to hand it to him myself. I hope that Philip will understand that it was not my decision not to be there, I hope he understands that my hands were tied... and that I love him very much. Every now and again I get to see a picture of him and watch him grow up through these still frames of time, but I wish that I could be there instead of watching from afar.

There is a song that reminds me a lot of my father and it brings tears to my eyes every time I here it. It's called "I love you this much" by Jimmy Wayne.

Excerpt:
He can't remember
 The times that he thought
Does my daddy love me?
Probably not
That didn't stop him
From wishing that he did
Didn't keep him from wanting
Or worshipping him

He guesses he saw him
About once a year
He could still feel the way he felt
Standing in tears
Stretching his arms out
 As far as they'd go
Whispering dad
I want you to know

[Chorus:]
I love you this much
And i'm waiting on you
To make up your mind
Do you love me too?
How ever long it takes
I'm never giving up no matter what
I love you this much

My father only kept one promise to me... before I was born he told my mother that I would always be a bastard and made sure of that.

(I'm sorry this post was so long, I just needed to talk)

We wander through life in search of a place to sojourn, a place where we can rest our heads and feet. Some search forever for this place, the destination is different for every man therefor there are no known directions to this place called "home". But where is home exactly, is it beneath this leaky roof or within these cracked and battered walls? No, home is where the heart is, even if "home" may be a four wheel drive out on the open road driving to anywhere but here. "Home" is family, it is where your loyalty and love lies and no matter where you are, as long as you have your family, it is home. Some search forever for roots to anchor their family, their "home" down, few find it contently. My home so far has been like a tumble weed rolling wherever the breeze may blow, carrying sometimes into strange lands that are unfamiliar and frightening. My journey down this road has just begun, but it is a happy farewell to an old life and an even happier beginning to new days ahead. I know not where the wind may take me, but I do know one thing... wherever it is... it's home.

Today was a fun day, I got my hair cut and let my 12-year-old sister pierce my nostril (I know... "crazy") But it looks cute *smiles* Then I figured I would take some pictures to show everyone my new funky look.

My Favorite is the first one. (and no, I'm not in a bra... it's a tank top)

After getting my awesomely awesome makeover I went for a walk and you will never guess who I ran into. I knew this would happen someday, we really don't live too far away from each other... Anyway, I ran into my ex. I was walking through a shopping center going into various placed to pick up some applications, I had just gotten done and I was heading home. To go home I have to walk past this laundromat on the corner, as I am walking past I spot him, it's Chris... and his newer, slightly pregnant girlfriend. I stopped dead in my tracks when he and I made eye contact "What do I do?!" I thought. Should I say hello and rub it in his face that I am hotter than his newer girlfriend or should I keep walking? Rubbing it in his face would be mean... so I went in to say hello .

I opened the laundromat door and popped my head in all cute like "Hey, I saw you and I thought it would be rude to walk on by without saying hello" (I know, I did it to piss off his girlfriend... but he doesn't have to know that)He was shocked that I would go out of my way to speak to him, all I really wanted though was to get a good look at his girlfriend and laugh on the inside. He finally spoke "Yeah, I know what ya mean. Ya havin' fun?". I went through a big long thing about how great I am and how much fun I had been having over the weekend and how good my life had been (and my life is truly wonderful, I have a boyfriend that is twice the man Chris could ever even hope to be) Chris just kind of sat there and smiled while looking at me as if he had found lost treasure (oh, he looked like he missed what he had and he should; his girlfriend looks like damaged goods.) Ok, ok... I'll stop being mean. Anyway, he introduced me to his girlfriend who the began giving me the evil eye (I'm sure Chris told her a lot about me, he told me a lot about his ex when we started going out) From the look on her face she new who I was. I then said goodbye and went on my way, I was so happy on the walk home, I just kept thinking about his girlfriend... She was pregnant and looked unhappy with Chris, I wasn't happy about her misfortune, I was just happy that it wasn't mine. I thanked God on the way home for guiding me in the right direction and that direction was out of that relationship (if you could call it that). Today I realized how close I came to being that poor girl... and I am so happy it wasn't me.

Has that ever happened to you? What were your feeling about it?

( i was going to post a picture of my ex and his new girlfriend that I hacked off his Myspace... but I drew horns on him and I thought it would be a too bitter of a thing to post.)

I crept slowly to their front door, my palms were sweaty, my mouth was dry and the one thing I wanted to do the most was tuck myself up beneath a rock somewhere and hide until Easter was over. Instead of running away like all my instincts told me to do, I kept walking. I got to the door, Scott was carrying some food and had his hands full, so he told me to open the door and go in first, I was nervous about going in first, these people didn't know me, I was the new comer and alas... I opened the door. As a stepped in and peeked my head in the door, Scott's aunt gave me a (what the #$%@ are you doing in my house) look. (I wanted to vomit right there) Scott walks in right behind me and says loud and clear "Aunt Louise, this is my girlfriend, Cat". Finally the woman who brought so much fear to me spoke "Cat! It's wonderful to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you!" *wipes sweat from brow* So far so good! So anyway, I got the scoop from Scott's mom Suzanne on the way home, she said that her sister thought I was gorgeous and awesome and so did her brother in law *smiles* Yay! I hit it off! Everything went great, I watched the masters golf tournament with Ron (Scott's uncle) and we had a blast, it was amazing. Louise reminded me of my aunt Kathi, A LOT! It was crazy and kooky how much alike they were, I felt at home! lol

Suzanne (Scott's mom) hired me as her housekeeper, I'll be cleaning the house from top to bottom once a month for $70. Not too shabby I say and I need the money *smiles*
On Friday, Scott, his friend Steve and I are going to see The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie -intense music- DUN DUN DUN DUN!!! -end music sequence-.

There is a new movie coming out on the 20th of this month starring Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling, and oh, it looks good. The movie is titled "Fracture" this is going to be one of his best performances. Anthony Hopkins is my favorite actor he brings so much class and talent to every movie he's in, it's truly amazing. He can pull off being an insane killer... yet be so debonair and seductive at the same time. I love his acting, I have always been in love with it. Even at the age of four a could appreciate the acting he did in The Silence Of The Lambs and Bram Stoker's Dracula, he is truly a talented man.

Movie Synopsis:
When Ted Crawford (Anthony Hopkins)
discovers that his beautiful younger wife, Jennifer, is having an
affair, he plans her murder--the perfect murder. Among the cops
arriving at the crime scene is hostage negotiator Detective Rob
Nunally, the only officer permitted entry to the house. Surprisingly,
Crawford readily admits to shooting his wife, but Nunally is too
stunned to pay close attention when he recognizes his lover, whose true
identity he never knew, lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Although
Jennifer was shot at point blank range, Nunally realizes she isn’t
dead. Crawford is immediately arrested and arraigned after
confessing--a seemingly slam-dunk case for hot shot assistant district
attorney Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling), who has one foot out the door of the District
Attorney’s office on his way to a lucrative job in high-stakes
corporate law. But nothing is as simple as it seems, including this
case. Will the lure of power and a love affair with a sexy, ambitious
attorney at his new firm overpower Willy’s fierce drive to win, or
worse, quash his code of ethics? In a tense duel of intellect and
strategy, Crawford and Willy both learn that a “fracture” can be found
in every ostensibly perfect façade.

Watch the Amazing Trailer:

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It is snowing, yes, SNOWING!! We have been having snow flurries here in Ohio... snow flurries . What kind of hell am I in? It's not supposed to snow in hell! Easter is day after tomorrow... and it's snowing! I think this is Gods way of trying to apologize to me for not making it snow on Christmas. Well, God... you can stop now, I don't want snow on Easter, but thank you anyway *smiles*... now please STOP THE SNOW! THERE IS AN INCH ON THE GROUND ALREADY! STOP IT! ... Sorry God, I didn't mean to yell , but please? stop the snow? . It's not that I don't like snow, I just wanted to where my capris and sandals on Easter and I can't do that if it's cold and snowy!

Speaking of Easter, I'll be gone from tomorrow until probably Sunday night (I think). I have the big dinner with Scott and his family, wish me luck.

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Random thought of the week:
I believe that the "friends lock" thing is nothing more than a ploy to get people to be your friends because your a friend whore, indeed, I said whore. Why must you lock it? It bites that I have to add you to view your Xanga, what if I don't like it? Then I have to UN-add you... and that takes time I don't have. I am anti-friends lock... I shall be making an icon to support this cause soon.

-end rant-

IT'S ALIVE!! Bwahahahahahahhah! BEH0LD, ANTI-FRIENDS LOCK ICON!!!

This is Far_Skies... signing off...
...until next time...

Many have wondered, even fewer have asked, where did I get the name Far_Skies and what was the inspiration? When I was little I didn't want to be a ballerina, I didn't want to be a princess... I wanted to be an astronaut/scientist. I have always been fascinated with space, science and the emotion behind it. When I was knee high to a grasshopper I had pictures of Einstein lining my walls, Einstein was and is my hero till this day. My grandfather was really into space exploration and such and I was grandpa's little girl, I would let him teach me anything and everything he could about our vast universe. Oh, the inspiration I found amidst the stars, it was grand. I would lay in the grass for what seemed like hours and just stare at the sky, I would day dream about what it would be like to venture above the clouds, beyond the stars, past everything we know and into "far skies". I have a very open mind, I believe the possibilities are endless. Some think that I am a little strange, others just say I am "unique" but one thing is for sure, I am a little different than average. Now, I'm not saying I am better than average, just different. What does that mean? Take it as you will.

I first chose the name "FarSkies" with no underscore on a website called Bolt, now known as Bolt2 (which will be nonexistent on Friday, they are shutting it down). I wanted something original, something that no one else had, something I could call my own. No one had FarSkies, nothing came even remotely close to it. I was FarSkies, that was my identity. Bolt started to get boring and I happened upon this really fun site, it was a blogging community full of very interesting people, Xanga. At first my name on here was the same as the one on Bolt, FarSkies with no underscore. But, alas... I forgot my password and was forced to create a new one and Far_Skies was born. Later I finally hacked my old Xanga and shut it down so that Far_Skies could thrive. I chose the name to be original, I chose it to reflect my inner self and mind, I wanted people to look at my name and remember it for what it was... a mystery.

Captains Log:

I didn't know when this day would come, I knew it would be soon and I had suspicions... Scott wants me to attend dinner with his family on Easter. I am exciting and devastatingly nervous at the same time, what if they don't like me? I know I'm just being silly, who wouldn't like Far_Skies right? Well, in the real world I'm not Far_Skies... I'm just Cat. Do you think that will be enough, just Cat? I hope so. I've heard stories about his aunt, from what I heard she is not often a pleasant individual *gulp* I'll be fine... I think.

I was happy when Scott asked me to join him, that means he wants me to join the pack (so to speak) and he was really excited when I said I would come *smiles* I'm very happy that he is excited about me becoming in a way "one of them" too. But what if I trip and fall on my face, or spill something on the table? I'm so clumsy sometimes, yes, Far_Skies. world dominationist, ninja, space pirate, cult leader with lots of shrines, genius extraordinare can be clumsy. *sigh* I feel sick to my stomach... I hope I am overreacting, knowing me I am. So we shall see how it goes, we shall see. I just hope I am over this nasty upper respiratory infection by Sunday, I don't want to feel icky and sleepy the whole time I'm there. Think I'll be fine? Hope you're right. Scott has yet to meet my whole family, he has met pirate mother CynaraJane, the mother of the all MotherOPearl, he has met my lil'sister NinjaPirateChick and my lil'brother Taningco... He has yet to meet the honorable Mr_Keegio, but that will be soon. He likes all my family and they like him... lets hope I get lucky too.

****************************************

Ok, I knew this was inevitable... last night while talking on the phone with Scott I mentioned my blog as I usually do, he was like "Ok, I want to see what all of this is about" *smacks self in head* He went to my blog to read up on anything and everything he could. He got a huge kick out of this entry and the "Miles away from ordinary" one, I'm glad he thought they were funny *phew* They were meant to be. But I knew that one day he would travel to my blog to see what all the hubbub was about... and it has finally happened.

******************************************

I'm still sick but I have been keeping myself hydrated with water, Sprite and green tea, I've been drugged up with MucinexDM and Wal-itin Allergy Relief... I'd be dead without them. I have also been taking vitamin C for my immune system (which is helping a lot) and of course I have been taking my daily dose of my mothers Really Raw® Honey *licks lips* thats been helping too. I feel tired and icky... but this too shall pass. I'm going to go lay down now....

************************************

Today is a special day for a very good friend of mine, it is greenray's ONE YEAR XANGAVERSARY! Why don't you all stop by and leave a comment, I know it means a lot to him and it means a lot to me to. If you all could at least say hello to him I would be eternally grateful. Thank you so much.

I am not feeling so well today, I believe I have an upper respiratory infection *cough* But I shall come through it unscathed. This is one thing I hate about being sick, all I want to do is stay inside and live life as a hermit until I am well again, and after a while I start running out of things to occupy myself. Does this ever happen to you? I'm sure it has, don't lie. I am fine so far, but soon I shall feel the grips of boredom taking hold. And after I run out f ideas... thats it!

Things I like to do when sick:

1.) Sleep
2.) Watch television or pop in a movie.
3.) Read (writing something myself is almost pointless right now)
4.) Play a video game (Zelda: Twilight Princess at the moment)
5.) Listen to music and pretend I am a famous rock star! (my favorite)
6.) Sleep some more.
7.) Watch chick flicks or Indiana Jones movies (I know, both are pretty extreme) and every now and then I get in the mood for Jaws or predator (the first one... because it's awesome)
8.) Cuddle *sad face* Scott, I miss you... get a day off soon.

I can't think of any more right now, my brain is fried. But anyway... sleeping sounds wonderful right now. LOL

Well.. I wish I could give you a better post, but CynaraJane the piratess says my time is up, s'ok my brain isn't functioning anyway. I'll see if I can come up with another awesome post in the next day or so... I'll try to get back on a little later and comment you all. *hugs*...

...*and kisses* Hahahah, < I just infected you!

LOOKY! My Beta Themes is now LIVE. Thanks to John for doing that for me.