The room was dark, the only thing that was shedding light other than recent events was her cigarette, a faint glow appeared amidst the thick darkness with every puff. She had done it, she had told her love to go, the end had finally arrived and her heart was now free, or was it? It pained her greatly to find out that he wanted to leave, he did not fight her, just calmly agreed to part. She wanted at least one tear, one sight, something to confirm that her time with him was at least meaningful. She was happy she was now free, but she was hurt that he didn't try to keep her. But alas, it was a parting meant to be and long overdue, yet it still pained her that he didn't cry... or at least ask her to stay. The reality of it was that he didn't want her anymore, he didn't know what he wanted and he wasn't sure if it was her.

She sat there thinking of their conversation merely hours before, she chuckled to herself explaining him in her mind with the only analogy that made sense. She loved him like a sailor loves the sea and you can love it all you want to, but it will always be wild and untamed, it will never love you back, it will flow on forever... with or without you, it will always move on. In the end you cannot blame the sea, for it only did what it was in it's very nature to do. You can only blame yourself, for that rugged nature that now breaks your heart was the same reason you fell in love with it in the first place. She will always remember him like the ocean, a wild thing, a beautiful disaster waiting to happen.

As he sailed away she smiled, remembering the times that they had had... and she knew that he was never coming back. She prepared her ship to leave and sailed off into the sunset. It was a beautiful sunset full of promise, it was a sailors sky... because of this she knew that tomorrow would be better than today. It was as if God painted the sky just for her, giving her a sign that it wasn't an ending... merely a beginning of new things.

She laid there in the dark with her head lovingly placed on his chest, her heart beating uneasy knowing that merely days ago another did the same. He had promised her his love, his loyalty... and he had broken his promise to her so brutally that it broke her heart. She was not OK with his pirate way of life, she was not alright with him explaining:

"but, at least I'm coming home to you at the end of the night"

She just laid there, her broken heart wanting to spill out upon this defiled bed she lay in. In a soft whisper she asked him if he was happy and he said yes, but he did not ask her the same. The truth was that she wasn't happy, she felt used and mistreated and it pained her that she allowed him to do so. It wasn't like her to let things slide, she was a pirate, a fighter... yet she found herself lacking the courage to say goodbye, which is what she should have done long before tonight. She wanted to ask this man so many more questions, there were so many things that had remained unanswered. She knew he wanted to lay with other woman, she new that he liked it. Never did he strike her as a man who would settle down, which left her wondering why she bothered. He loved her, yes, but only as much as he could... which was not enough, she deserved more. He knew it, he knew that she deserved the world if not more and he knew that he could never give it. He loved her in the only way he knew how, with the weight of his lust and the bulk of his desire for pretty things, he was a pirate... and treasure can be more than just silver and gold. She was his treasure, but her exterior had been tarnished by his greedy hands and her worth she had forgotten. She was tired of games and riddles to solve, he was an honest man and rarely lied... but the truth he spoke of hurt. He was honest, but not faithful and he wasn't afraid to tell her so. She appreciated his honesty and she was happy she knew where he wandered, and she was happy she knew which bed he would lay in next... but it broke her heart that he had stories of other woman to speak of, she just couldn't take it anymore. She knew the end was approaching, possibly hours away. she would have to tell him of all her hurt and then say adieu, there was a change in the winds ahead... finally she could set sail and find her place amidst the sea. She didn't know where to go from here... all she knew was that anywhere but here was good.

To Be Continued...

I got home at 11:00PM last night... and slept until 11:00AM today, LOL, I needed it. I will tell you all about my trip and show you all of the pictures when I can find my cord to upload them.

... more later.

P.S.
Home never felt so goo before... <Oops.. I meant "good" lmfao

What is generosity, is it giving all that you will, or all that you can? When I think of generosity the first thing that come to mind is the story of The Widows Mite.

Luke 21:1-4
"And he looked up, and saw the rich men casting in their gifts into the treasury. And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites and he said, Of the truth I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast in more than they all: For all these have of their abundance cast in unto the offerings of God: but she of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had."

These verses truly sum up what giving and generosity are, it is not the weight in which you give, it is simply how much you can give. The rich men gave of their excess, it was not as much as they could give, it was how much they would. But the widow, poor and kind, gave up all. What she had was not much, bit it was all that she had and all the she could give. I wonder how hard it would be in today's world to give as the widow did, for that is true generosity. We give what we will and no more, how shameful that is when compared to a poor widow. We pass by homeless on the street who shiver in the cold and very few of us hand them a blanket, can't we even spare a blanket? Yet we go home to our warm beds and sleep comfortably. God bless the man or woman who give to those lacking what they abound. If a man be hungry, feed him and teach him how to fish. If a man be cold, give him your jacket, this is generosity. I am not asking you to give up everything that you need to live, but simply, give what you can, not what you will.

We will to do a lot, sadly it is mostly for selfish reasons and only we reap the benefits. Generosity, to me, is giving all that you can spare and asking for nothing in return but a smile... give as a child does, they have no ulterior motives, other than to love and to laugh.

Quote of the day:
No one is so generous as he who has nothing to give.
-French Proverb

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Tomorrow, in the early hours of the morning, I shall be experiencing an adventure in a charter bus on the road to Washington D.C. I am quite excited. The places and things I am most looking forward to see are going to be amazing. We are going to see the Lincoln, Korean and Vietnam Memorials tomorrow, on the first day. Saturday I get to go to a baseball game, the Washington Nationals vs. Cleveland. Sunday will be amazing, we are going to the National Air and Space Museum and the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. Sunday is the day I am looking forward to the most *smiles* I can barely contain my excitement!

I was born unto a single mother who raised me as best she could, my father never helped, he never wanted to. In my mind I know that he is my father because it was his DNA that helped create me... but in my heart he is nothing more than a man who I never knew. I can count the handful of times I have seen him, which aren't many. To put the title of "dad" next to him feels foreign and an awkward statement, because he was just never there. I find it hard to honor him on this day that he didn't earn, I find it hard to give thanks where shame is due. To me he is a faceless name, an empty chair and a broken promise, I give no thanks to him. Some might say that I am cruel and possess a lot of hate in my heart, no hate I assure you... just resentment and disappointment.

I may not be able to honor my father, but I can honor the man who willingly took his place. This man's heart was so kind, he gave everything of himself so that I might feel loved. He set aside time for me when he couldn't spare a minute, he loved me even with all my faults. He embraced me when my father pushed me away, he loved me when my father wouldn't. He has and always will be the person I call "Dad" in my heart, he was the only man who loved me like a daughter and cherished the thought. I would like to honor my grandfather, on this very special day for being the best dad that a little girl could ask for. He didn't father any of his own... but adopted me into his heart... Grandpa, you are my hero.

I would also liked to honor someone else on this very special day, he never got the chance to father any of his own either... but man, he would have made a good dad. I would like to honor my best friend in the world, greenray... for being a wonderful man with a precious heart. He too, to me, is like a father in my eyes and has given me guidance when I needed it and showed me love when no one would. I love you greenray, my buddy, my pal... my best friend.

When we think of beauty we think of perfection, flawless smiles and blemishless skin. We never quite look deep enough to see beyond the outward appearance, beneath the delicate surface of what beauty is supposed to be. Yes, perfection is an ideal statement, though perfection in itself is flawed. Beneath the surface of all that appears beautiful, ugliness can take hold and spoil, demons can riddle the bones and mangle the most stunning of hosts. Even the most perfect rose that has blossomed the most beautifully has thorns. What is beauty then, if not plainly seen with ones eye? Beauty, like ugliness, comes from within.

If people could be judged by their hearts and not their way of dress or appearance in any manner, a lot of people would be deserving of apologies and the rest would be turned away. There is not much to say about beauty, other than the fact that it has been twisted over time. We have lost the meaning of beauty and in turn have lost the knowledge of what makes us beautiful. What if tomorrow our hearts chose to reflect what they possessed and transformed our outward appearance into the nature that lies beneath, what would you be, a beauty... or a beast?

There was once a young pirate princess who lived not too far from the great Oh-hi-yo river, she was an intelligent young lady and her talents were noticed by many. She had a wonderful family and fabulous friends that loved her. Princes, even beggars, asked for her hand. She was a prize, a "catch"... so she had been told. Despite all of this and all of her admirers, she was bored. The princes and the beggars were all the same, though their outward appearances were very different, their hearts were kindred souls. She was disappointed with her life, for no matter how hard she tried and no matter how much she loved... she was merely a "catch".... and release.

Prince after prince and beggar after beggar, they came and went as always. She was a smart girl, but her weakness was the loneliness she felt before nodding off in dream,  alone in her bed she wept every night and she prayed that someday happiness would find her.

She was parched of excitement and drained of enthusiasm, she was a pirate, and to feel the wind on her face and the smell of sea in the air was all she dreamed of. She did not want a carriage with majestic horses, the thought of castles and princes and royalty sickened her... all she wanted was freedom. Not that she didn't want to be bonded with a man in holy matrimony, on the contrary... she merely wanted love without ownership, a man she could court with no great change of manner... and above all she wanted to be able to share all her dreams and adventures with him. No prince or beggar would do that, not any she had met, they were all too involved with themselves to pay attention to her wants, her dreams and aspirations. Selfish hearts they were, but not her, no, not her at all. She gave of herself to them, she took care of and nurtured these men who claimed they loved her and she asked for nothing in return except for loyalty.. and even that they could not give. Shallow souls and selfish hearts surrounded her, was she ever going to find relief from her heartache?

She had nothing to give but love, born a poor pirate princess who lived off the land and by the labor of her back and hands. She was always looked down upon for being a pirate, but she could never understand why. She knew that the pirates motto was "Take what you can, give nothing back", yes, pirates thieve treasure, gold and jewels... but these people who call themselves civilized steal lives. There is more honor among thieves with all their betrayal than there is in a rich mans heart... at least the pirates admit that they do wrong, they don't cower behind false debonair smiles and and a good reputation.

To Be Continued....

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, since I have been back from my trip I have become ill. It was awful last night... I was up having coughing fits until about 7:00am, I managed to get a couple hours of interrupted sleep and then I finally gave up at about 9:30am, I'm so tired. The coughing fits still haven't stopped and I've tried everything, hot tea and honey, a steamy shower, meds... so on and so forth. Nothing has worked, I feel like crying because there will be no rest for me until I can control this coughing. Oh God, I hate feeling this way.

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Well, TheTheologiansCafe video contest has ended and I have won in the two categories I was entered in:

I would like to thank all of you who voted for making that possible. And heads up, I will be entering the next video contest as well, so make sure that you guys check out my vids when the time comes.

Be back soon...

UPDATE AT BOTTOM

Everything is going great here in Missouri, it's so much fun. I jumped in the lake tonight despite being extremely scared of water (I have a completely irrational fear of natural bodies of water) But I did it! . I was scared out of my mind though, because of all the stories I have heard of the beaver under the dock...  but I did it.

I wanted to vomit when I jumped in... I couldn't believe I did that... whoa... trippy.

But, I love you guys and I will be back soon... I promise. Hang in there, I won't be gone much longer.

Peach out, (LOL)

Far_Skies

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Well, I'm heading home today... it's going to be hard to leave everyone, but I do miss home. It's been a fun vacation and I have met a lot ogf really cool people, I will miss them a lot. Anyway, I'm going to get ready and make sure I'm all packed and ready... I'll update you guys when I get home.