March 25, 2008

• Men, Women and Relationships

  

  While poking through my fiance’s room (well, “our” room actually) trying to find something to do, I came across a stack of books. I love to read and I had been eying that stack o’books for a while. I went through them in an effort to find the one that appealed to me the most, I found a book by John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I’ve never read that book but I thought I would give this one a shot. Men, Women and Relationships, interesting enough for a title, why not, you know? What really prompted me to read it was the recent argumentative disagreements that my fiance and have had lately. Nothing big mind you, the only problem has been with how we both deal with disagreements. I want to talk them through right then and there and he wants to withdraw until tempers cool and we can actually “talk” without raising voices and attitudes. It really pisses me off when he doesn’t want to talk about it when the problem arises and it really pisses him of when I do. We’ve never gotten into a yelling match, we haven’t ever really had a “heated” argument… just disagreements. Nonetheless, disagreements are still stressful. So, we were looking for ways to better understand and cater to each others needs…

  I haven’t been reading this book long, I’m only on the fiftieth page. Between Xanga, life, a fiance and children, I haven’t had a lot of time to read in the last couple days. So far in the book it is talking about the ways men and women think and how we make mistakes in relationships by treating our spouse like he/she is a member of the same sex as we are. Lets say that there is this couple, Patrick and Jennifer. Jen and Pat get into an argument and Pat walks away, because that is what he does as a man and he thinks he is “respecting” Jens space. But Jen would never walk away from a loved on who is upset, she finds that inconsiderate and disrespectful and since Pat has now walked away from her she is now even more upset. Jen follows and tries again to talk through the argument and worsens Pats mood because all he wanted to do was to be left alone for a while. All Pat was trying to do was give her space and time, because that is what HE needs when he is upset. all Jen was trying to do was express her feelings and talk about what is bothering her, because that’s what SHE needs. Get what I’m saying about worsening something by treating your spouse like they’re the same sex? (read pages 20-21)

  These differences between men and woman can be explained by the male and female brain:

  “Cell numbers: men have 4% more brain cells than women, and about 100 grams more of brain tissue. Many women have asked me why men need more brain tissue in order to get the same things done.

  Cellular connections: even though a man seems to have more brain cells, it is reported that women have more dendritic connections between brain cells.

  Corpus collosum size: it is reported that a woman’s brain has a larger corpus collusum, which means women can transfer data between the right and left hemisphere faster than men. Men tend to be more left brained, while women have greater access to both sides.

  Language: for men, language is most often just in the dominant hemisphere (usually the left side), but a larger number of women seem to be able to use both sides for language. This gives them a distinct advantage. If a woman has a stroke in the left front side of the brain, she may still retain some language from the right front side. Men who have the same left sided damage are less likely to recover as fully.

  Limbic size: bonding/nesting instincts – current research has demonstrated that females, on average, have a larger deep limbic system than males. This gives females several advantages and disadvantages. Due to the larger deep limbic brain women are more in touch with their feelings, they are generally better able to express their feelings than men. They have an increased ability to bond and be connected to others (which is why women are the primary caretakers for children – there is no society on earth where men are primary caretakers for children). Females have a more acute sense of smell, which is likely to have developed from an evolutionary need for the mother to recognize her young. Having a larger deep limbic system leaves a female somewhat more susceptible to depression, especially at times of significant hormonal changes such as the onset of puberty, before menses, after the birth of a child and at menopause. Women attempt suicide three times more than men. Yet, men kill themselves three times more than women, in part, because they use more violent means of killing themselves (women tend to use overdoses with pills while men tend to either shoot or hang themselves) and men are generally less connected to others than are women. Disconnection from others increases the risk of completed suicides.”

  So that explains why woman have an easier time verbally expressing their emotions, they have a greater ability to use both sides of their brain at the same time. I do recommend you read Men, Woman and Relationships… It really is pretty cool. =)

  • 2:27 pm
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