January 7, 2008

  • Here is a poem that I finished the other day, what is your opinion of it?

    CUPID’S
    LESSON

    Surrender, oh Cupid, your arrows
    For my heart does sorely weep
    I have carelessly fallen in love
    With a man I cannot keep

    One request I ask of you
    Have mercy and accept
    Please make him fall in love with me
    For I seem to be inept

    He is willful, change not that
    But more accepting he must be
    Persuade him to fear love less
    And in thought to be more free

    He is all I have ever wanted
    All I wish to apprehend
    If not for me then for loves sake
    The rules of love must slightly bend

    CUPID: I cannot do this thing you ask
    In the end free will decides
    Love, it is a fragile thing
    Without will, then love, it dies

    LOVER: I beg of you, persuade a little?
    You need not change his mind
    Nudge him in my direction
    Maybe then our love will bind

    CUPID: My dear, he has made his choice
    He had his chance and walked away
    I cannot perform this thing you ask
    For I cannot make him stay

    LOVER: But he is all I have ever wanted
    All I wish to apprehend
    If not for love than as a favor
    A single arrow might you lend?

    CUPID: This goes against my better judgment
    I cannot condone this sport
    My arrows are meant for passion
    Not for hunting of this sort

    Then Cupid turned his back
    As the lover wept and grieved
    But what Cupid had not known
    Was of the arrow she had thieved

    She walked away without a word
    With a smirk upon her face
    The only thought upon her mind
    Was of her lovers sweet embrace

    She did not think before she pricked him
    With the arrow she had thieved
    And it wasn’t before long
    That again her heart was grieved

    Again she went to Cupid
    And she admitted what had been done
    She explained the arrow worked
    Though still his heart she hadn’t won

    He was with her, yes he was
    And they were lovers, yes indeed
    But love cannot perform
    When it is taken out of greed

    Cupid tried to tell her
    The error of her thought
    She could not attain true Love
    For Lust was whom she sought

Comments (7)

  • Reminiscent of Song of Solomon in it approach, likeablely so. I think you could learn alot from yourself if you would reread your own words in three days. I am too worn out from my work day to offer any thorough analysis of the writting, but I enjoyed it based on the once over read I gave to it...

  • Excellent start.  Keep polishing and you'll have a shiny gem in no time.  Post your poem on thisisby.us and you'll get plenty of helpful critiques.  My brother, Mindranger, is especially helpful in that respect.

    Happy new year.

  • I think that is beautiful! :) I don't think it nedds any work I love things that are just written as you feel them!

  • I love it.

  • Amazing! I love the refer to Cupid - reminds me of the Victorian poets. And the message is so true. I really like this poem!  ~L

  • nice.... ooo - ooo prick me...

  • You're a great writer. I bet you were good in English when you were in school. All great writers are good in English.

    That poem is AWESOME!

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