April 30, 2007

• Ask A Ninja

  My loving companion, Scott, has introduced me to something that I believe I am becoming addicted to... askaninja.com. It is horribly funny, I laugh so hard that I actually start crying! I can't help it, it's like watching Will Ferrell run around with a ninja suit on. It's hilarious! Here, I'll prove it:
  
  Ask A Ninja: Question 16 "How To Kill A Ninja"
  
  (OK, well, the HTML isn't working, so here is a link to the video) CLICK HERE

  Funny? Told you .

  Some people will say "Why do you love ninja's so much? I thought you were a space PIRATE!"

  Well, thank you for bringing up this matter. Actually I am a space NINJA Pirate... cult leader, world dominationist, etc, etc. What is a space ninja pirate? Well, it is a rogue ninja whom lives in space and concurs all on every level. Indeed I am superior, for I know the art of both sides. No, I am not a turncoat, not at all... I establish the art of war with my mad pirating ninja skills.

  However, the word "Pirate" that is displayed in my name was a title given to me at birth. You see, my mother, CynaraJane, is a Pirate... but the ways of the pirate are imperfect. I set out in search of ultimate perfection at the age of 6 weeks. I fought unimaginable forces and went weeks without food as I journeyed through desert lands and snowpeeks, I fought sand witches and ice snakes... those ice snakes are viscous, you do NOT want to meet up with an ice snake unprepared, hahaha, let me tell ya! I was hungry and my soul was tired and then finally I was able to rest.

  I met up with a ninja by the name of... well, I can't really tell you his name *chuckles* I would have to kill you . We'll just call him Fred. He taught me how to think like a ninja, after I had mastered the mind the only thing left was physical skill. Fred cupped his hands together and formed a flute and began to whistle like a majestic fiery phoenix. Coming forth descending from the heavens upon a cloud of rage was... Chuck Norris.

  I began practicing the art of the ninja with Chuck Norris 36 hours a day, you may not think that is possible, but believe me IT is . After my training was complete I now had the ability to do this:

  • Wear headbands
  • Fight skillfully
    with any object
  • Can remove a spleen
    in one swift motion
  • Live in your house
    secretly for days
  • Can remove my shadow
    if needed
  • Hurl shurikens
  • Go anywhere I want
    instantly
  • Catch bullets
    in my teeth
  • Can run 100 miles
    on my hands
  • Use cool words like
    Sepulku
  • Can hover for hours
  • Flip out and kill
    everything
  • Split planks vertically
    with my nose
  • Can hide in incense
    smoke

  Yeah, I am THAT cool.
  

  
  

  ****************************
  

  
  I was looking at the rules of flying on SkyBus.com and I came upon this:
  

  
  

  

  I'm glad they told me... because I already had a dance sequence chorographed!

  
  Read the last item on that list... yeah... just making sure I wasn't the only one noticing it.
  

  **********************

  In other news, Scott, my awesome ninja companion, while using his mad ninja skills he has created a xanga (evilduck81) for the sole purposs of messing with me in a mad ninja fashion. I must admit, it was really funny.
  
  His first comment to me was very funny, though he commented me right when I was writing a new blog... so I overlooked it at first. He comment was:

  "WOW! WOWEEWOWOW!  This Scott fellow
  seems like one fine chap!  I would love to meet him!  Have you had
  several of his babies yet?  If you do, please do NOT EAT THEM!  A guy
  like this, you're gonna wanna keep his spawn.  Perhaps I could meet up
  with this fellow myself!  Maybe we could drink apple cider and play
  parchesi all night!  Nothing says "Good Party" like Parchesi! 

  Saaaaaay, have you played Parchesi with him yet?  He sounds like
  he'd be a terrific player!  Perhaps you could give me a few pointers as
  to how I would conquer his obviously SUPERIOR PARCHESIS SKILLS! 

  Speaking of which, when's the last time Ozone saw some sun?  You
  need to let that bunny out!  Do bunnies eat their young?  I know some
  animals do (as do a few unscrupulous leprechauns), but I don't think
  Bunnies do.   I can't imagine a bunny like Ozone eating his young......
  without cheez whiz.

  I think this Scott fellow would like some Cheez Whiz.  Have you ever
  given him some?  Maybe you should, he might like it.  You really should
  write more about this upstanding fellow with good hair."

  If I had caught this comment I would have known exactly who it was with all the "eating babies" talk. Because I didn't reply to this he sent me a second one...

  "BOOOO!  You should talk about Scott
  some more!  Thats what I told you to do in the last post about Scott! 
  This post sucks without Scott's awesome Scrabble skills!  He makes his
  own letter pieces out of his own toenails!  Be done with all of this! 
  Bring back more Scott!  you should read your comments more often,
  because if you DID, you'd SEE the growing demand for MORE SCOTT!!

  I heard once that Scott jumped over 30 homeless people on a
  skateboard!  WOWEEWOWOW!  Now THAT is an AWESOME SUPER-HUMAN NINJA
  SKILL!"

  I find this all quite humorous... yep, thats my man. LOL
  Love you Scott. I may have even talked him in to actually blogging things on his xanga, he hasn't written anything yet, but stay tuned... I'll keep you posted.

  • 8:51 pm
  • 17 Comments